The end of the world is nigh…
I’m hoping this urgent message gets through to you all, but I don’t hold out much hope. All the signs are that the end of the world is beginning… and it’s starting here in Kirkintilloch! Unless of course you’re not there already and I’m the last survivor…
It began on Friday, late at night, when suddenly the internet went down. Since then, it’s been in and out like the cuckoo in a Swiss clock, only less noisily, and it seems to be getting worse. Unable to draft posts or get round your blogs or even answer your comments except in brief bursts, I’ve had plenty of time to think about what’s going on, and it’s scary…
Here are the options:
1. It’s a local problem that will soon be fixed by my internet provider. Well, I’m sure that’s what They would like us to think! But I suspect one of the following is far more likely…
2. A solar flare has taken down communications throughout the world and all technology will collapse over the next few days leaving us at the mercy of vengeful nature. I have therefore gone into survival mode – I rushed to the supermarket and bought up all the chocolate.
3. The capitalists/socialists/anarchists/kpop fans (delete as applicable) have carried out a coup and have shut down the internet while they consolidate power. Any day now the identity of the new World President will be announced. My greatest fear is that it might be this chap…
… but I have the ultimate deterrent against him and his forces! If he sings that ghastly music at me, I shall retaliate by playing my guitar – a dreadful torture guaranteed to send any human insane within minutes.
4. Aliens are circling the earth and have cut off communications in a first step towards full-scale invasion. Hah! Little do they know about my impregnable Home Defence System! I have stopped emptying Tommy and Tuppence’s litter trays and within a few hours no one will be able to get within ten miles of my house without being overcome by a noxious miasma that will stun them into instant unconsciousness. (I admit there is a slight weakness in this plan, in that it depends on the aliens having noses…)
Whatever the cause, I urge you all, dear friends, to take your own precautions. Farewell, and be safe! May it all end up a bit more like Station Eleven than The Road!
Of course, in the unlikely event that it turns out to be option 1, I’ll see you all once it gets fixed and I can get some posts prepared…
The porpy is here with me inside our safety cordon,
ready to defend our liberty…
Oh, my!!! How brave you are, FictionFan, to try to get the word out and warn us all! I do suspect the Kpop companies, if you want to know the truth. Take cover, be safe, and get that guitar ready!! Hope everything’s sorted soon!
I’ve always been suspicious of those Kpop people – I suspect they might actually be the aliens’ advance guard! Fortunately, the porpy has scared them all off for the moment, but I’m keeping the emergency chocolate stocks high just in case… 😀
Hardy har har!! I mean ARRRRR!!!! SURVIVE!!!!
x The Captain
Haha! It was a tough battle, but we made it through!! 😀
Yikes!! Sounds dreadful, FF. Perhaps it’s that old Mercury Retrograde thingy again. At any rate, I hope it’s only a wee problem and you find a solution pronto. You were wise to bolster the supplies and then batten down the hatches!
They’re definitely out to get me, whoever They are!! But the intrepid porpy scared them off… for the moment! 😉
Porpy will save you, never fear 🦔 (I know! It’s the nearest I could get) I just hope it’s not the green haired apparition with his gang of people with strange legs. Hope you’re up and running soon!
He was a true hero! The aliens didn’t stand a chance! Aaarghhh – I hope the green ones don’t arrive till we’ve recouped our strength… *grabs handful of chocolate*
😂😂
Ah well, at least your warning post got through. It can’t be the Solar Flare, as the trouble would have reached me in Airdrie by now no doubt. I’ve a funny feeling it might be the aliens, but I’m sure they have a sense of smell. Even if they don’t, you’ve got Porpy. After having to put up with stories about annts, frogs etc, dealing with aliens shouldn’t be any trouble for him at all.
Whew! The porpy was the hero of the hour! The aliens didn’t stand a chance… he used all his pent-up aggression. It must be true that horror stories make you violent… *shudders* I must remember to be nice to him in future…
Oh, dear… that really is terrifying!! 😱 I’m ruling out the solar flare since we’re not all affected, but it might well be aliens and they just haven’t found me yet in my backwoods hideaway. 👽
Here’s hoping it’s just your internet and that it will be in working order again soon!
Phew! Happily the porpy scared the aliens so much they’ve fled to the other end of the universe – he’s saved the world! I must give him an extra bowl of mush tonight…
According to Wikipedia, Kirkintilloch is still with us, and no evidence of invisible domes or UNIT road blocks is mentioned (but, of course, They wouldn’t update Wikipedia, would They?!)
Hah! Yes! They are now telling me everything’s OK again, but They must think I’m crazy if They think I’ll fall for that!! I’ll keep the emergency chocolates stocks high just in case…
As always, you are a trooper, FF. It a solar flare is to blame, you can count on the TARDIS showing up with the tenth Doctor at the helm. Yes, he’s still around somehow though he’s regenerated several times since. Anyway, he will whisk you to safety. Look out for his arrival, though time might have caught up with him and he might now be a woman.
But… but… how will I know if he’s him… er… she’s her… and not an alien in disguise?? Wait, I know! I’ll demand to see his sonic screwdriver – the porpy ought to be an expert on Sonics… 😉
Of course the porpy is an expert. Who better?
What would I do without him? 😉
I think this is almost the worst kind of Tuesday Terror for a blogger! I hope things are fixed soon! Miss you!
Grrr! It’s so frustrating – I feel as if I’m all out of synch with the world! They say it’s all fixed now… but then They would say that, wouldn’t They… 😉
Internet being down is literally the worst. At least you’ve got some print books to keep you company! And of course Porpy…
Yeah, I discovered I can’t listen to audiobooks if the internet is down! Or download Kindle books! They’ve trapped me in their evil online universe and there’s no way to escape… aaaarghhhh!!
Oi vey
Be brave, FF! We’re thinking if you…
Thank you! The porpy was a hero – those aliens didn’t stand a chance! Phew! 🦔
Oh my word, this is truly terrifying 😱 I’m glad that Porpy and the pussies are there with you. They’ll defend you to the last. Better ration that chocolate though. See you on the other side. Hopefully…. 😁
It’s been traumatic, but due to the extreme heroism of Porpy and T&T we’ve pulled through. It was touch and go there for a while, though… 😱
And I thought faulty internet connection was only an excuse my students were doing to avoid their homework.
Hahaha! Well, they should be more imaginative and tell you their homework was beamed up to the alien mothership… 😉
That one has been used…
😂
Eek! What if its all of them? The aliens invaded in order to back a kpop coup and in doing so caused a solar flare? You’ve taken the only safe option, to buy up all the chocolate 😀 Stay strong FF…
Aaarghhh! I think you might be on to something, because the more I look at these kpoppers, the more I doubt they can be truly human! Thanks to the supreme heroism of Porpy and the Cats (there’s got to be a ’60s band called that, surely) we’ve pulled through… Phew!
This really made me chuckle FictionFan. Having seen your latest post, I’m safe in the knowledge that you are still earthbound and thankfully not in extraterrestrial or K-Pop captivity, otherwise I’d have been very worried. Now heaving a great sigh of relief for the survival of Kirkintilloch!
Hahaha! I was glad to get comments letting me know that the world outside Kirkintilloch was still surviving! Unfortunately it appears K-Pop is also still surviving, but we can’t have everything, can we? 😉
Well, I’m sorry I missed your crisis of connection and I’m glad your lifeline is restored (for now 🤨). I was very relieved to get your ‘ghastly’ descriptor for the music clip, certainly didn’t do it for me – and I learnt a new word, ‘kpop’!
Haha – I was so relieved to discover the world out there still exists and Kirkintilloch wasn’t the last outpost of humanity… 😉 Agh, kpop is so awful! And the really awful thing is I expect if I was 13 I’d love it! Makes me kinda glad to be old… 😉