Tuesday Terror! The Polar Express – The Movie…

…a chilling tale of child abduction, slavery and torture…

 

The innocent looking cover picture of this movie belies the dark horror that lies at its heart. This is not one for the faint-hearted as the script shows mankind (and elfkind) at their evil worst. So think hard before you read on – the images you are about to see may churn up bits of your subconscious better left unchurned, as we fearfully approach this week’s…

TUESDAY TERROR!

The Polar Express – The Movie

 

the polar express

 

Right from the beginning an atmosphere of dread pervades the film, as our cute and adorable little hero (symbolically given no name so that we must assume he could be any child – perhaps even your inner child!) is told by his uncaring parents that during the night a strange man will enter the house while he sleeps. Then, laughing, they turn out the light and leave him alone in the dark. Restless and scared, he flees through the window into the clutches of a sinister stranger who offers to take him away to a place where he will be safe. Hah!

 

polar express conductor

 

Our hero is still suspicious, but succumbs to the temptation of gifts and hot chocolate. Soon he finds himself trapped on a train hurtling towards who-knows-where through a harsh and icy landscape filled with wolves, ghosts and other beasts of the darkness. And with him are many other children, each abducted from home on this bleak midwinter night.

 

polar express wolves

 

But the abductor (or, as he revealingly calls himself, the Conductor) is only the go-between – taking the children to meet the real evil mastermind, who hides his true identity behind an innocent-seeming alias: Santa. Our hero-boy realises something is amiss, but as he runs to the back of the train to escape, he is met by a diabolical form of torture that stops him in his tracks, and the most horrific aspect is that the torture is carried out by other children…

 

 

Carried against his will to Santa’s dungeons, our hero-boy is forced to witness some unforgettable atrocities. It transpires that Santa has enslaved all the elves and, not content with forcing them to work till midnight, he tortures them with the most horrible sights and sounds ever to assail human (or elven) senses…

 

 

Look! Look…if you dare…at that poor young female elf at the end, about to be tossed from a roof-top for the wicked pleasure of Santa and his evil henchmen! Too awful!! And then watch with terror as the monstrous Santa cruelly whips his enslaved reindeer while his diabolical laughter rends the night sky…

 

 

With great courage, our hero-boy finally escapes from the clutches of the gang and finds his way back home. He makes sure the door is safely closed and, exhausted, sinks into an uneasy sleep. But the worst is yet to come for, in the distance, we hear the tinkling of approaching bells and then, at last, a terrifying scraping, scrabbling sound is heard in the vicinity of the chimney…

 

polar express bell

Never ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for THEE!!!

* * * * * * *

            Fretful Porpentine rating:                                  😯   😯   😯   😯   😯

                Overall story rating: santasantasantasantasanta

76 thoughts on “Tuesday Terror! The Polar Express – The Movie…

  1. Never, never put your faith in a guy who dresses in a bright red suit trimmed with white fur and has a diabolical ‘Ho, Ho, Ho!’ of a laugh! It’s going to end in misery! Thanks for the warning about this truly chilling tale, FictionFan!

  2. Now you have gone TOO FAR. That was truly horrific. They are all zombies, aren’t they. Or creatures made from clay. And with the lighting coming from the whip, mutilating those POOR DEER as well – this is clearly a remake of Frankenstein, except with thousands and thousands of Golems. I mean ..look at those ‘children’ do they seem like NORMAL children to youThis is a film about a zombie invasion. And on Christmas, too. That’s it. I’m keeping the lights on permanently till Twelfth Night is over.

    PS Can you please send a job lot of liqueur chocolates to settle my quivering, terrified tum.

    But….maybe they should have as little sugar in as possible, I think I’m suffering extreme sugar terror..

    • I’m so sorry, but I felt it was important to warn people about the dangers of trusting that wicked man – so many are fooled by his excessive facial hair and jolliness! At least now you know the truth… *shivers*

      Haha! Yes, my own sugar levels became dangerously high while watching this – particularly the duet! Some things are just too horrific – ought to be banned!!

      • See, we do find some things equally TOO scary to be tolerated. Am pleased to see that your corn detector is as finely calibrated as mine is. There was a lot of ‘I think I’m going to have to throw up, I can’t take any more of this vile, gratuitous violence torture of the eardrums and sensitivities any more.

        Fortunately I had to go out as the schools were let out today, and am pleased to report that not ONE of the children I encountered bore the remotest resemblance to the clearly GMO created creations in your Tuesday Terror

        • Funnily enough, it reminded me of a little Christmas concert we once put on at the school – I can’t say my boys resembled these charming polite children either! In fact, I distinctly remember having to physically restrain one from throwing a chair at his social worker…

  3. *laughing lots and lots and lots* I was wondering–at first–what you could have possibly read! And then…wow! This was so clever! So, so clever. You turned it into a horror story! Did you really suffer that much?

    I mean, those children did have nice voices, wouldn’t you say?

    You’re so wicked!

    (I think I look more like the conductor.)

    • *laughs happily* Glad you enjoyed it! I had to do something to get rid of the sweet taste! No, secretly…don’t tell anyone…I quite enjoyed it really!

      Oh, OK, I suppose so – but didn’t it make you gag even just a little bit?

      Who? Me? I’m not Santa!!

      (*chuckles* Nope, sorry! You definitely look like our hero-boy’s big brother…)

      • Yeah, now that you say it, there weren’t any bad guys. Hmm…maybe that kid counts. What did you make of that fellow on the top of the roof of the train?

        No! I went to see it at the theater when it came out.

        Don’t you have a beard?

        (I do not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

        • Who, the horrid little know-it-all one? Ugh!! I don’t know – he was a bit weird really. I couldn’t quite work out how he fitted in to the story at all. He was a bit scary…and creepy… don’t you think?

          Really? I can’t quite imagine how it would work in a theatre, given how much it depended on special effects and stuff. Was it good?

          Huff-hum, sir! You’d better start being good or Santa might just miss you this year…

          (Do! Do! Do!!!! *chuckles*)

          • Yes, he sure was. Actually, voiced by an adult! Now he’s even creepier, I bet. But I meant that guy on the top of the train drinking coffee…with a sock in it.

            Well, it was the movie in the theater…the train roller coaster part was tops. I think I liked it.

            I think he already did. I asked for the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

            Hmm…I don’t have a blue robe!

            • Sorry, so did I. I stopped talking about yellow-boy at Ugh! and from there on was talking about sock-guy. He was a ghost, I thought, but I couldn’t quite see where he fitted into the Christmas story…

              Oh yes, I forgot you call them theatres – we call them cinemas. We’re right, of course. The roller coaster bit was good and I liked when they were skidding over the ice too. And the wolves were good. In fact, if the nauseating kiddies hadn’t been in it, it’d have been quite a good film…!

              *laughs* That’s so Professorish! But where would you put it?

              Awww! I’ll send a note to Santa to ask him to bring you one – he’ll listen to me, because I’ve been an awfully good girl.

            • Oh! Yes, I can’t understand him for anything. I think I would have shot him–just once!

              Aha! A cinema…that is a better name, I admit. Oh come on! Are you calling my younger brother nauseating?

              In the backyard, I think. Or…in the woods far away. It’d be where I’d study.

              Hmm…bet you’re on the naughty list! And I’d rather a black one, please.

            • Yes, I’d have been tempted to blast him with my peashooter too.

              *laughs* Why does that feel like a trick question? Only this one… how’s that?

              Study what? Ah, Dickens, no doubt! That’s great – I’ll send you some more books!

              Well, if I am, it’s your fault! Santa says fussy people don’t always get what they want, so he’s sending you a tartan one…

            • That’s the spirit!

              That’s not too good! I sorta wanted you to admit that he wasn’t my brother!

              No!!! I think I’d study neurology! How’s that?

              It’s BUS’s fault! I actually love that pattern, the sudden. And it looks familiar. I wonder if I have it.

            • You have taught your apprentice warrior well, master!

              Well, maybe he isn’t. Maybe he’s you when you were younger…

              Good noodles! I suppose it makes a sort of sense – after all, you mess with my brain every day already!

              You’d look great in tartan and since, as far as I know, there’s no existing Clan Duke, you can pick your own colours!

            • OK, done that! *puffs and pants* Next?

              D’you know, I’ve realised I’m baffled (in a Shnoddy-esque befuddled kind of way). Why did you want me to watch Polar Express? I was sure it was going to be something to do with one or other of the PL Christmas vids – but it wasn’t. Were you just being cruel???

              *laughs* Oddly, it is!

              Good choices – tasteful. But you need at least three colours for tartan…

          • Wowawee! Umm…I think that’s enough for now…unless you want to swim the Atlantic with Tuppence on her next journey over.

            *laughing lots* I was wondering why you kept saying it’d be worth it! Well…I just…well…what if I said there was no reason in particular? *ducks the strike he knows is coming*

            You pick the third, please.

            • Does she still visit you? Flirt! She did come in sopping wet this morning at dawn, admittedly – and kindly climbed under the bedcovers to dry off. She’s so sweet!

              WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are in so much trouble now!!! Sheer brutal cruelty! What did I ever do to you to deserve that?? I shall think of the most horrid romantic book in the world and force you to read it…

              In light of the above, I shall not pick the tasteful gold I was going for – no, sir! Fluorescent pink…

            • Goodness. I say, you should lock her out.

              *laughs* I know…but remember, I’m heartless. I was surprised that you watched it. I find the whole thing just a bit funny.

              Gold’s perfect!

            • So cruel! And so brave…

              Funny, eh?! Well, I won’t fall for your heartless tricks so easily next time, mister!

              Too late – I’ve ordered the pink…

            • Indeed not! *shivers*

              Awww, now that’s so unfair! You knew I would find that irresistbly c&a! OK, I forgive you… *stomps off huffily*

              Actually, I think I might! Think how swish I’d look dancing the flamenco in that!

            • Huff-hum!(*thinks* I shall need to come up with a defence against the Professorial c&a-ness or I fear I may be at a permanent disadvantage…)

              Has the Professor ever watched Strictly Ballroom?

            • The kneeling, certainly, but also the look. Had I been Queen of Scotland, I’d have been forced to knight you. Next time?!?

              *chuckles wickedly* Well, you know how you conned me into watching Polar Express? I think that means you need to watch a movie of my choice to compensate. You’ll love this one…dancing, romance, even a bit of flamenco…

            • Ah, if only you had made me Queen then… Are you trying to suggest the last time was my fault?!?

              Perhaps I shall become heartless, like the Professor…

            • D’you know, for a second there I was nearly gullible enough to say ‘Oh? Which one?’ But I’m not falling for your tricks this time, wicked one… *nods head emphatically*

              Strictly Ballroom. *neatly stalls the Professor’s attempt to change the subject*

            • *laughs* I don’t have one–yet! I’m just thinking: if I knew you would have watched one…I would have chosen…I’m not sure. Maybe Fast & Furious 7…but that’s not out yet.

              Yes? What about it? *nervous*

            • Eurgh! That sounds dreadful! Have I offended you in some way?!?

              Well, I was thinking that the balance seems to have tilted in your favour (PE, two Barsoom books AND the film, a couple of Twains, AKFAC vs. KSM and a chapter of BH) that it’s probably time to even it up a bit…doesn’t that sound fair?

            • Hmm…I feel you may be trying to manipulate me…well, it won’t work, I tell you! I’m wise to your methods now, sir!

              Uh-uh! You’ve read no Austen on my account! You can’t hold your bookhate contests with Miss T against me! But I’ll be kind (though I’m not sure you deserve it) and give you some choices… Strictly Ballroom, Northanger Abbey, finish Bleak House, or read Allan Quatermain… Or else I doubt I’ll ever get around to reading The 5th Wave OR IA…

            • Hmm…an excellent point! Now, you wouldn’t just be admitting to that in order to weaken my defences, would you…?

              The book! But I can’t believe that out of those choices that’s the one you’re considering! *gobsmacked face*

            • You see? I’m wise to your tricks now… *nods smugly*

              I would, if I was in a mean mood – like just after the Professor had made me llisten to children singing, for instance. But if I was in a good mood, I’d want you to read Allan Quatermain, ‘cos I think you might actually enjoy that one…

            • OK, I’ll take five years off your sentence…

              Hmm…I think you you secretly must want to read it! But just remember what happened when you decided to read Bleak House even though I warned you! You could end up with a shelf full of FF’s favourite books each with a bookmark at the end of Chapter 1… *chuckles*

  4. Brilliant Tuesday Terror, the best yet and so very clever! I started off wondering what on earth was in store for us this week and then all was revealed, I particularly liked the conductor with his cleverly disguised name.

    • Haha! Thanks, Cleo! Yes, I thought the Conductor was particularly scary – but then Tom Hanks often has that effect on me… But I felt I had a duty to remind everyone of the true horrors of the season. 😉

  5. I found The Polar Express weird. It was great to read this entry! And I especially like the last picture…….and saying!

    • Haha! I couldn’t resist the temptation – there’s something basically creepy in the idea of a train full of children being tempted away from home by a man offering gifts… 😉

  6. Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! This deserves a Freshly Pressed award! We have never seen the movie, only read the book. And now I know why. Everyone looks like a clay zombie. And that evil man not only abducts children and enslaves elves, he tortures reindeer, sets fire to an enormous Christmas tree, and drives as if he’s under the influence of way to much holiday spirit(s) (as we’ve discussed in another post). AND he’s carrying an enormous lumpy tomato on his sleigh that could fall off and kill hundreds at any moment. Where are the police when we need them?

    • HahaHA! Thank you very much! 😀 I must say I felt whipping the reindeer was a bit much – they were doing their best, poor deers. (Sorry!) And by the time it was over I felt Santa should be giving me a whisky rather than the other way round… Wouldn’t it have been great if it had fallen off though, and squidged those irritating elves??

  7. I had a hypo watching this film – too, too sweet (in the I’m just about to boak sense of sweet). You may wish to be aware that Santa is flying over what we must still call the United Kingdom at 6pm on Christmas Eve and will be visible to the naked eye (ok, it’s a communication satellite really, but who cares). My mince pie party will start early to accommodate the Great Man. 🙂

  8. Brilliantly terrifying! Watched this with my toddler last week…wish I had read this first, although I wouldn’t have been able to stop chuckling! Now to bar the doors on Christmas Eve…

  9. Wow, thanks for the warnings about this horrific tale! (I didn’t grow up with Santa and you’ve totally captured how weird this story is when you look at it objectively!)

    • Haha! I know – it is a bit strange when you think about it. My sister told me when I was three that Santa was my Dad…believe me, that’s a strange concept for a three-year-old to cope with… 😉

  10. Hahahahah! Good one! I love, love, love this post!
    I’m gonna make my hubby read it too… he’ll enjoy it as he watches it all the time! lol!
    In a weird kinda way I felt the same for the story… Great work 😀

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