Shock News!

Global Crisis!

Book Shortage Hits Blogosphere!


empty bookcase


Reports are coming in of the mysterious disappearance of book reviews from all around the Kirkintilloch area. One reviewer told our intrepid newshound:

“I don’t understand it! I just woke up this morning and realised I had no books to review. Three books are sitting there unfinished, and nearly 100 are unstarted…but not a single one has made it to the To Be Reviewed Shelf.”

At this point, the reviewer broke down and had to be given some medicinal chocolate.




Experts looking into the matter are split (that’s unusual, eh?). Some think it’s to do with the strange and unidentified yellow object that has appeared in the sky above Scotland…


sunshine map


…while others believe it’s to do with a vast conspiracy of multi-nationals to beam adverts directly into Scottish homes…


djokovic adverts


A top-level conference is to be held over the next two weeks in Wimbledon bringing together experts from all over the world…


rafa and andy 6th june 2014


It is hoped that they will find a solution, allowing normal service to be resumed sometime in July. Meantime…

* * * * * * *




andy wimbledon


82 thoughts on “Shock News!

  1. I will definitely need some dark chocolate to deal with this one! How will we all survive???? 😉 Enjoy!


  2. Good one! It’s fair roastin’ here in Bonnie Dundee – and talking of Bonnie, I’ve got her for the long weekend. She and Ginge are having a staring contest – Ginge is winning on points. Enjoy Wimbledon.


      • That’s hilarious: that’s how I read in summer. I may not call them ice-lollies (ice pops here; I’m totally going to call them that from now on), but they keep me going. That, and there’s ice-lolly juice on the pages.


  3. Alas, I find that reading and football go very well together – and perhaps some of the earlier stages of Wimbledon too… Anyway, complaining of heat in the UK?! We’ve had far higher temperatures over here…


    • Football definitely encourages me to read more, but Wimbledon is compulsory viewing, even when it ends up being pictures of rain-soaked covers! But the problem is we’re not used to the heat – I reckon this is the first time I’ve seen the sun since one day back in 2006… 😉


  4. Those bookshelves look lovely! Best I’ve seen in years. (Still trying to pronounce the Kirk-thing. It’s tough!)

    And, you know, the medicinal chocolate seems to have cherry sauce in it. It looks reddish. Like the rest of Scotland, I guess! Haha. Okay, bad joke.

    Is that a gold trophy?


    • *laughing* I like them too – I could spend happy hours deciding on all the books I could acquire. I’d put a couple of shelves aside for the Professor’s books though. (Haha! I know – you should try booking things over the phone. But…’Kirkin’ kind of has the same rhythm as curtain and then the emphasis goes on ’till’ and then ‘och’ as in…’och’ but NOT ‘ock’. See? Easy!)

      *chuckling pinkly* Oh very amusing, sir! I think the lobster-look will catch on in time…

      Indeed! The Wimbledon trophy!


      • I’d only need a few spaces for a few of my favorite books. The Black Tulip, A Princess of Mars, Robin Hood, A Kingdom Far and Clear, and my MT collection. That should do the trick.

        (I think I’d sound quite silly saying it, but I’d try and copy what you said. For now, I’ll just call it Kirkin.)

        It’s sure too! *laughs*

        I wonder if he keeps anything in it…


        • (No KSM! The Professor is so cruel!) The Black Tulip? I don’t think you’ve mentioned that one before. What’s it about? And you’d need another few shelves for your growing TBR list…

          (Kirky is the usual abbreviation – and trust me, almost everyone sound silly trying to say it…! But at least I don’t live in Tighnabruaich…)

          I believe he drinks cherryade out of it each evening.


          • (I knew I was forgetting one! Yes, I’m very cruel. Like Tash.) You’ve never read it? *proud face* Another one you’ve never read that I have! It’s a very small number, you know. It’s by Dumas and it’s about growing a black tulip. Amazing! You should read it… *laughs*

            (You made that up!)

            Man I need to get one!


            • (Brutal and heartless. Would John Carter have behaved this way to Dejah Thoris?) Well – I’m trying really hard to imagine the Professor reading a book about flower-growing and enjoying it – but I’m failing! I’m guessing the black tulip is actually a code name for the secret and deadly weapon of a race of cruel aliens who could be killed only by katana-wielding samurais? (I refuse to read any more of the Professor’s recommendations till he’s read at least one of mine…all the way through!)

              (Did not! In fact, the picture on my header was taken while I was visiting Tighnabruaich…)

              Haha! I’ll enter you for the competition then. Can you get here by Monday?


            • (Well, maybe in the movie he would have. Girls need viciousness, don’t they?) Actually, the beginning of the book is one of the most brutal things I’ve read–at that time. Probably nothing to you, though. The main character is a bit…sedated, I guess. But it’s good overall. Schwarz started growing tulips after he read that book.

              Really? Nice. I was wondering where that was from. I’ve been wondering for a while, actually.

              Will I win?


            • (Ah but the Professor’s too sweet to be vicious to FF. Isn’t he?) Now that’s so unfair! I was resisting adding it to my TBR so well – and then you go and tell me it influenced my Schwarzy! I wondered why he was a tulip-grower – it seemed such an odd thing for him to do. Especially when he’s such a talented bird-impersonator…

              It’s a truly beautiful part of the world…we can detour there on the way up to your castle.

              Haha! Well, you’ll have to beat Andy and Rafa first! Hmm…who would I support in a Rafa-C-W-W final??


            • (Yes! I wouldn’t do it! Promise!) *laughing* Oh…you should add it, for sure!

              Yes, I’d like to visit. And you can take all the pics.

              Rafa would definitely chop my head off…so go for me!


            • Hmm – the TBR is on holiday so I can’t! Maybe after I’ve read the other 39 Professorial favourites already on it…

              OK – I’ll take plenty of you swimming with Nessie!

              Rafa’s far too sweet to do such a thing but of course I’d be supporting my Professor! Rafa may be c&a, but the Professor is c&a&f!!


            • Oh, I bet there’s only three or so. You complain!

              I thought it was cold water. Would you swim?

              You know, half of me thinks I should smile proudly, but the other half wonders why I get f and Rafa doesn’t…


            • Ok, I will! *secretly adds another 4 to the Professor’s TBR*

              Freezing – but the Professor’s tough! I fear my swimming skills aren’t up to the task, but I’ll be quite happy on the boat drinking hot chocolate while you have a nice workout…

              *laughing* You should smile proudly – f is a good thing! It’s because Rafa doesn’t haven’t a lovely growl like the Professor’s – he just can’t compete in the f stakes…


            • Did! But I’ll remove them all again once the Professor finishes The Martian…

              Oh, you’ll enjoy it! And you’ll stop feeling the cold after the first five miles or so…

              *gasps* No, it does not! He sounds so sweet – yummy, in fact!


            • Yes, that should be coming this week. Really looking forward to it. Someone gave me Divergent… *gag* I need a good book.

              Right. I’ll get blue and won’t be able to feel myself for days and days. Maybe I’ll turn into an ice cube and sink. And I bet there’s eels in there, too.

              I wonder if he’s ever fought a bull.


            • Hmm…you might love Divergent – but you might hate it. I’m guessing hate… But if you love it, it’s great to know it’s the first of a trilogy, eh? (Bet BUS hasn’t read it…)

              Spit-tooey! Nonsense! Ice-cubes float! And Nessie will have eaten all the eels.

              Nah! He’s so sweet I bet all the bulls would refuse to fight him…


            • It is not! All these fighting scenes between girls and boys–ridiculous! (Oh…maybe I should read it. I can’t wait for Martian to get here, actually.)

              Not an ice-cube with a professor in it! And she’ll eat me too…

              I wouldn’t!


            • I haven’t read it – it sounds yucketh! It’d be better if the girls and boys danced together, eh? (Neither can I…)

              *laughing loudly* What a fantastic image! That would be so lovely! She’ll only eat you if you forget to tickle her tummy…

              Oh…but you can’t fight Rafa! I’d hate for that c&a face to get damaged…


            • You and BUS! Rats. I’ll be forced to read it now. They must have sent it as late as possible, since I get it for free. *shakes head*

              *laughs* Well, I couldn’t if I was trapped in the cube!

              Oh, that’s kind of you. But I’m an orc, remember.


            • OK – I’ve added all three of them to your TBR. That’s you up to 13 now – lucky you, eh? *chuckles quietly*

              *laughs too* You could if you managed to keep one hand outside the ice…

              Oh dear! I don’t know how to tell you this…but it was Rafa’s c&a face I was concerned about. But that’s only because I know you’re by far the better warrior!


            • No! I don’t want them. It’s just gets worse and worse. Now they’re playing with paintballs… Yucketh!

              Oh, thank you for the tip!!!

              No, that’s much better that way. I’ll only cut off his legs, then.


            • Hmm – this is the most enthusiastic you’ve sounded about a book all year…glad you’re enjoying it!

              *curtseys* My pleasure!

              *gasps* You can’t do that! His legs are as c&a as his face!!


  5. Ooh, those seriously empty shelf pictures had me racing to Amazon and ordering some more books….oh, that’s really stupid……MY shelves are far from empty. What have i done?

    Have an absolutely sooooooooooppppppppper couple of weeks off – we SHALL miss you. Perhaps you could do daily match reviews, in between the coverage ending for the day and Match of The Day Starting, or if there is no time between those two events, AFTER Match of the day. Complete with video clips of the highlights, (Rafa’s arms, Rafa’s legs, the occasion bit of tennis)

    PS That’s a LOVELY bookcase, that’s a LOVELY picture of chocolate; can we please have our sun back please, it has not been seen in these Southern parts AT ALL today – it looks like you have somehow acquired 4 suns, so you have clearly kidnapped England’s, Ireland’s and Wales’s; and that’s a LOVELY picture of Rafa and Andy and a LOVELY picture of Andy holding the 2014 Wimbledon trophy

    I can’t comment on the French Open picture as I’m not sure who is hidden under the cap (Djok??)

    Don’t forget to get in strawberries, cream and Pimms to go with the chocolate


    • I know! As soon as I put up the picture I started imagining what books I could buy…what a pair of hopeless cases we are!

      Thanks! I will enjoy the break but may pop in from time to time – depending on the length of Rafa’s sho(r)ts and such other technical details…

      You are very welcome to have the sun back – I’m delighted to say tonight’s weather forecast suggests it’s packed up and heading south…enjoy, you strange sun-worshipping creature!

      Yup, it’s Jock O’Vich – thought it was time he made an appearance or two. I shall be dipping the strawberries in chocolate sauce of course!


        • Chocolate liqueurs may be the answer. I did google to see if you could get a chocolate Rafa*, but sadly not – an opportunity there for an enterprising confectioner, I feel.

          *To post a photo on here, not to eat!


          • 😀 Munch munch. I don’t believe you at all. That chocolate icon would disappear before you could snap the photo.

            I do promise I’ll fall for something you recommend sometime in the near future, I’m sure.


            • Haha! I shall do my best to find some good stuff once the tennis is over. I freely admit it has not been a vintage year for books – neither fiction nor factual. Look on my reviews as warnings rather than temptations… 😉


  6. Ha, ha ha. I’ll be right over and move several to those empty shelves, just to be contrary. 😉 Seeing the empty bookcase WAS really shocking! Yum – definitely medicinal chocolate is in order. Out under the yellow orb! 🙂


    • I’m afraid the empty shelves have put ideas in my head – I’ve been speculating all day about what books I could buy to fill them – forgetting that they don’t really exist! Ah, but chocolate and sun don’t go well, so I’ll just have to eat it all before I go out… 😉


        • It’s cooler again…phew!

          Well, to be honest, the big four are going through all their matches so easily that there’s not been too much excitement so far. The women’s has been slightly more interesting – and you won’t often hear me say that!

          Haha! Fortunately I don’t follow the football much so can honestly say I was neutral! But it’ll be interesting to see how the US do in the knockout stages. Nice to see them playing a real sport for once… 😉


  7. And Rafa and Roger this afternoon -all this anxiety is damaging my emotional well-being – must eat remedial chocolate!
    (Note to Prof. “The Back Tulip” is one of my all-time favourites too.)


    • Nadal really has a tradition of doing that – in fact, he used to regularly lose the first two sets and then spend three hours doing a heroic fightback. That’s why I fell in love with him – he never gives up! 😉


  8. I can’t enjoy the sunshine or Wimbledon unfortunately cos I am in Japan where it is rainy season and all that seems to be on TV here is World Cup or sumo wrestling.


  9. Rafa out, Andy out, Jock o’Vich 2:1 down to Cilic, Roger and Wavrinka playing against each other. What is going on?


    • Yes, a strange tournament altogether. Thank goodness the final was a good match – otherwise the whole tournament would have been a bit of a let-down really.


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