Tuppy Glossop’s One True Love…

A Valentine’s Day Tribute to PG Wodehouse…

 

All dedicated Jeeves followers know that, amidst all the sundered hearts and star-crossed lovers, one thing can be counted on throughout – Tuppy Glossop’s one true love is Aunt Dahlia’s only child, Angela.

Or is she? I beg to put forward another hypothesis for your consideration. My evidence is taken from Right Ho, Jeeves – the book which lets us see the Angela/Tuppy relationship most intimately, and I think when the facts are presented to you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you too will draw the conclusion that Tuppy’s heart belongs firmly to Another.

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First let’s look at some of the things that Tuppy says about his supposedly beloved Angela.

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The witness Bertie Wooster tells us…

…they had had their little tiffs, notably on the occasion when Tuppy – with what he said was fearless honesty and I considered thorough goofiness – had told Angela that her new hat made her look like a Pekinese.

Next Aunt Dahlia takes the stand to recount Tuppy’s reaction on learning of Angela’s terrifying encounter with a shark while holidaying in the South of France…

He sat listening like a lump of dough, as if she had been talking about the weather, and when she had finished, he took his cigarette holder out of his mouth and said “I expect it was only a floating log!” And when Angela described how the thing had jumped and snapped at her, he took his cigarette holder out of his mouth again, and said, “Ah! Probably a flatfish. Quite harmless. No doubt it was just trying to play.” Well, I mean!

But perhaps the most damning evidence comes directly from Tuppy’s own mouth…

I’m not saying I don’t love the little blighter! I love her passionately. But that doesn’t alter the fact that I consider that what she needs most in this world is a swift kick in the pants.

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Do these sound like the comments of a dedicated lover when talking about the object of his adoration? I think not! But, you may be thinking, this merely shows that Tuppy is unromantic, incapable of expressing his true feelings. It doesn’t prove his heart is inconstant.

Valid points, ladies and gentlemen…until we see how eloquent Tuppy can be when he is truly moved by overwhelming feelings of love and desire…

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He lets his mask slip when talking to Bertie…

There is something cold there [in the larder]. A steak-and-kidney pie. We had it for lunch today. One of Anatole’s ripest. A masterly pie, Bertie, and it wasn’t more than half-finished.

And wakeful late that night, does Tuppy sneak round to serenade Angela beneath the light of the moon? Let’s ask him…

Well, round about one a.m. I thought the time was ripe. I stole from my room and went downstairs. The pie seemed to beckon to me. I got to the larder. I fished it out. I set it on the table. I found knife and fork. I collected salt, mustard, and pepper. There were some cold potatoes. I added those. And I was about to pitch in when I heard a sound behind me…

Catching him in this compromising position, Angela bravely tries to hide her broken heart behind a little womanly badinage, but is Tuppy’s first concern for Angela’s hurt feelings? Judge for yourself from Tuppy’s own words as he tells Bertie what happened next…

“You’ve no idea,” she said, “how Mr Glossop loves food. He just lives for it. He always eats six or seven meals a day and then starts in again after bedtime. I think it’s rather wonderful.” Your aunt seemed interested, and said it reminded her of a boa constrictor. Angela said, didn’t she mean a python? And then they argued as to which of the two it was…And the pie lying there on the table, and me unable to touch it. You begin to understand why I said I had been through hell.

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There you have it, ladies and gentleman of the jury – the evidence is before you. And I put it to you that the evidence proves conclusively that Tuppy Glossop’s one true love is not Angela – it is in fact…

Anatole’s Steak-and-Kidney Pie!

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How do you find the defendant? Guilty or not guilty?

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This post was inspired by Honoria Plum’s request on her blog Plumtopia for fans to honour PG Wodehouse this Valentine’s Day by discussing some of the greatest romances contained within his pages. If you visit her blog, you will find the other posts and links that she has gathered. Thanks for thinking up such a fun idea, Honoria Plum!

(The illustration is © Paul Cox from the Folio Society edition of the book.)